After ten years of growing conflict, dissonance and distance - after two year-long commitments to therapy and many failed efforts to initate our own self-help program through books, the US factor is clearly helping us get a handle on toxic patterns of behavior that have sabotaged our marriage for years. The "3rd party" approach (watching others with problems similar to ours)seems to be the key. Rather than get defensive as we each would when something was pointed out about either of us directly, this allows us to see ourselves and the mistakes we make more as a "witness" rather than a perpetrator. It's been very effective so far. We are now on lesson 6. We do one a week.
Helpful. The actual sessions with the couples were the most useful.The programs gave me some insight into issues that have grown over time between my wife and I.Now if I could only get her to start using the programs. It's a work in progress.
So far my wife and I have been very pleased with the program. We've spend 3 years in and a lot of money on therapy with only marginal improvement to show for it all. This program seems to get at the heart of our issues - putting yourself in the shoes of your partner and knowing how to communicate in a way that each partner is heard and appreciated for their position.
We have both found the use of real couples to be one of the best aspects of the DVDs (if they are not real couples, they're phenomenal actors). Watching others repeating the same mistakes and subsequently working successfully through their issues provides a lot of encouragement. Moreover, it's pretty apparent to see these couples become more engaged with and 're-attracted' to one another as they learn to shed old habits.
Check back in 2 months.
Dr. Melnick, I only wish that you practiced near to us. Your gentle yet firm way of counseling is like nothing that we have been able to find here. The one thing that many people don't factor in when trying to repair/recue a marriage is that financially it is difficult to keep going to a counselor. Your program helped us work on "US" in the privacy of our own home as well as for a cost that was much less than we had been...or should I put "I" had been paying for a counselor. My husband was hesitant to go to a counselor because he is a business man in our small town and didn't really want to have anyone knowing that we were seeing help. He wanted help but, as many people are, he was embarassed. This was the perfect solution. It is also great because you can go back and refer to areas that you wanted to revisit when they were pertinent. We have found it very helpful. It also was helpful to see other couples and not feel like we were the "only ones". I would, and have, recommended it to others. Thank you.